By Katie & Gay Hendricks
Some of us are masters of self-blame.
We beat ourselves up when we make a mistake. We tell ourselves terrible things we’d never say to a friend:
“How could you have been so stupid?”
“There you go again.”
“You ruined everything.”
“You’ll never get a relationship right.”
Do these phrases sound familiar? If these are the kinds of words that play in your head sometimes, then you know the pain of self-blame all too well.
Maybe you blame yourself because you’re single and very much want to find your Soul Mate, but every time you meet someone you think could be The One, they end up running away.
So you blame yourself for not being able to keep anyone. You start believing you’re too damaged to find love.
Or, maybe every time you have a fight with your spouse, you analyze yourself. You regret everything you said, and everything you didn’t say.
And because you’re someone who’s committed to having a great relationship, you’re likely to be even harder on yourself. You wish you could turn back the clock. You wonder why, if you want this so much and you’re so committed to it, you keep messing up.
You probably realize how destructive self-blame is. You’re spending so much time and energy beating yourself up over something that is long and gone. You get it. Even your friends can’t stand listening to you do it. But you can’t seem to stop.
Self-blame has become a habit. It keeps you stuck, and in keeping you stuck, it prevents you from doing the one thing that will help you create the kind of relationship you do want: recommitment.
If you’re looking for love, you want to be committed to finding your partner. And if you’re already in a relationship, you commit to many things: really listening, loving each other and staying together.
We know you’re reading because you’ve made a commitment. And that’s huge. In fact, nothing can happen for you without first committing. So you’re already way ahead of the game.
If babies didn’t recommit, they would never learn to walk. They fall down countless times, and they recommit over again. If babies can learn to walk, people can learn to recommit.
Relationship is built choice by choice. Nobody is immune to making mistakes.
The only way to shake yourself from the paralysis of self blame and to go from where you are to where you want to go is by making a commitment (which you’ve already done!) and then by recommitting every time you have a setback.
Instead of anguishing over what you did or didn’t do, what you said or should have said, what you decided or decided against, simply recommit and then take action on the commitment.
This is how you break the self-blame habit: by introducing a different and healthy habit. Every time you feel yourself going into the grips of self-blame talk, reach for recommitment instead.
Recommitment is an art. And when you learn it, you have the ability to make your dreams a reality.
Couples who learn it experience dramatic turnarounds in their relationship.
We want you to experience this dramatic shift and that’s why we have worked for more than 30 years, helping individuals identify the causes of self blaming behavior and teaching them to apply the art of recommitment every day. Through our Newsletters, we provide the tools and tips needed to get you through real life scenarios… stopping you from falling back on self blame and helping you to fully recommit every time.
We’ll uncover the source of your negative feelings and teach you the same tools we use to keep blame and criticism at bay in our daily lives.
Self blame is a prison we create for ourselves. It keeps us from having the very thing we want: happiness in love. Sign up today and start learning everything you can to break this useless habit once and for all.