By Katie & Gay Hendricks
Before we can have a truly wonderful, open-hearted, totally intimate relationship with another person, we need to be able to fully enjoy and receive love and appreciation when it’s given to us.
Sounds easy, right?
I mean, isn’t love and appreciation what we want? Why wouldn’t we be able to receive it when it’s given to us?
Our need to constantly do, manage, control and protect, ends up getting in our way of fully enjoying and savoring the gift of someone else’s affection and admiration. And sometimes, our past experiences have conditioned us not to let in all the love we want.
But here’s the kicker: we don’t even know we are doing it!
These two “blockers” of love aren’t obvious. In fact, we’ve internalized them so much that we don’t even know we do it, and we certainly don’t know they are problems.
Because there are so many other things clamoring for our attention these days, we often aren’t really listening when our partners are talking to us.
We get caught up in the past (what we didn’t do, why something happened the way it did, and how we felt when someone did something to us) or planning and worrying about the future.
But here’s the thing: if we can’t be with our partners in the moment and really hear what they are saying to us, we are unable to fully receive their love and attention.
Either we don’t hear it (we are too busy tuning them out and having our minds wander elsewhere,) or they don’t want to say it (they can see that we are not paying attention.)
You may feel like love has gone, or was never really there to begin with, but really you are just caught up in the past and future. You aren’t present with the love, and therefore aren’t “there” to receive it.
When we believe, deep down inside of us, that we aren’t worthy of love, then it’s impossible for us to find genuine love, and create true intimacy with our partner.
But that’s what’s happening when we stay in a bad relationship for too long.
Or, when we put everyone else’s needs before our own.
Or push away another’s attempt to help us.
Or look in the mirror and see all our flaws and imperfections.
It’s what’s happening when we feel unappreciated in our relationship, or when we put up with any kind of abuse, neglect, constant criticism or unhealthy behaviors.
If we can’t be with our partners in the moment and really hear what they are saying to us, we are unable to fully receive their love and attention.
If you are single, you look for someone to fill the hole of love that you aren’t giving yourself. But since you don’t believe yourself worthy to love and accept yourself, you also can’t accept someone else’s love. You either push love away, sabotage things or attract someone who doesn’t love him or herself into your life.
If you are in a relationship, everything that happens in that relationship confirms that you aren’t lovable. You perpetuate destructive patterns, can’t share your deepest feelings, can’t honor yourself and your needs and can’t create true intimacy with your partner.
If you don’t feel worthy of love, you can’t truly let others love you. You block it, don’t believe it or reject it entirely.
You need and crave unconditional love and acceptance. But first you have to give it to yourself before you can ask for it from someone else.
But the good news is we can show you how.
It’s both a scary and exhilarating insight when you realize that you are getting in your own way of receiving genuine love – particularly when you realize you haven’t loved yourself enough.
Be gentle with yourself when you have this realization, and we also hope you feel a new source of power and optimism that things can be different than they are today.
We all have our individual journeys on the road to self-love and being present. But the good news is, we are here to be your mentors and guides to make it as easy and fun as possible.
Start receiving all this here: